The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
