a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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