ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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