wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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