remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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