you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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