I hate all girls vehemently.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
