omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
