I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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