some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im part way to drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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