Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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