I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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