I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
