its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
