Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
