Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize