This girl is more easily done than said...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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