Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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