I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
