I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
