And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
