I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I touched a dick in church today
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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