I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
