I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
