We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
