its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm both gender and math confused
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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