Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize