And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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