I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
