Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
