You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
