Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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