At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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