So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
