Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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