Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
