Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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