moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
