My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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