She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
