The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
