Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
