I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
