I bet he comes in French.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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