A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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