We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
