my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
