Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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