Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
