Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
