you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
