God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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