Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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