I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
