i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
