Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
