apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
