We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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