i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
