So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
