your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
