I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's blow job season.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
