Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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