well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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