The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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