Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
