In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
