pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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