i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
