Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
