just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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