shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
they need to just BURY HIM!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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