you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
