it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize