get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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