Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
