Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
