Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
