question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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