I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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