There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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