chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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