I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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