I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
