yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
