could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
