somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
