You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
