I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
