According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
