Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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