She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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