Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize