Your face is a jimmy john
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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